Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
