I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
