just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
