Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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