it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
