apparently the secret to your success is patron
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
they call him Oral-B. enough said
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Randomize
