btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
is that a dick in a sweater?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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