I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You can't just leave with hair like that
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
