Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
