New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
Randomize
