Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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