Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
