john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Randomize
