Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
