I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Randomize
