woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
