My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
third nipple confirmed
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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