You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
