If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Randomize
