The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
