We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
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I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
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