You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
