The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
bring money and cleavage
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
