i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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