you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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