There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
