can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
