I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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