youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize
