had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Randomize
