Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
27 Common Occurrences Everyone Can Relate To But No One Talks About
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
21 People Intentionally Did Despicable Things During Sex
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.