she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
