After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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