There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!