Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.