my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me