i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
