so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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