best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
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