I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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