his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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