Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I skipped work to stalk him.
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
