u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
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