who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize
