At least make sure they are 18
Why
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
