dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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