You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Randomize
