Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
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Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
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I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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