Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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