All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
how does that bad decision feel?
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
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