you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
