I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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