Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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