Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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