i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
You can't special order awesome
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
