He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
