Me too!
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
