just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I want a musical about memes.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Randomize
