Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
You have to summon your inner elephant
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
