He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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