you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
