Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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