You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
