I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
My liver just had a heart attack.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Randomize
