You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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