did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
So vagazzling was a success
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
