i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Randomize
